Bringing It Home

Yesterday, the husband of one of my closest friends died as a result of Covid 19.  His wife is in isolation at home, so am I. She can do nothing and, even though I only live five minutes walk away, I can do nothing to help and support her. Suddenly I am faced with the stark truth of what we are living through.  The deadly possibilities of this virus are no longer something that people in the media are talking about but a reality of my life. Please, will you all implement the precautions we have been asked to take and keep yourselves safe.  I do not want to lose another friend.

47 thoughts on “Bringing It Home

  1. BookerTalk April 1, 2020 / 8:26 am

    Im so desperately sorry to hear this Ann. I have a feeling that there will be many more similar stories before we are done with this virus. That’s not to diminish your sadness and anxiety in any way however. His wife must be in turmoil right now, differing the loss of her partner but also fearful for her own health. And just at the time she could do with human affection, she is denied even that. Are you in isolation because you were in contact with them recently? Do you have someone who can get you shopping etc?

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 8:33 am

      We’ve been pretty much in lockdown where I live now for the last three weeks because although our flats are independent we share communal spaces in order to reach them and many of the people who live here are very frail. Fortunately, I do have a couple of very good friends who are considerably younger than I am and who can therefore help out where the food is concerned. And most of the staff here are very supportive.

      I’m sure you’re right that this isn’t the last such story that we’re all going to hear. It’s just that hearing about people dying on the radio is one thing, when it touches your own life and the horrendous implications beyond the death itself become apparent, it’s another thing entirely and suddenly the real seriousness of the situation hits home. Also, in this instance, it’s the unexpectedness of it. I have friends about who I have been really concerned, but he wasn’t one of them.

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      • BookerTalk April 2, 2020 / 8:43 pm

        I’m glad the bears are there to keep you company . By now they should be well trained in making cups of tea and providing a shoulder to cry on as needed. Can you receive post or is that also restricted?

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      • Café Society April 2, 2020 / 8:47 pm

        No, post is still coming in and other deliveries as well, although they are left down in reception. And you’re right, having The Bears is a great help.

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      • BookerTalk April 2, 2020 / 9:36 pm

        Would you send me your new address – to heenandavies at yahoo dot com

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  2. Alyson Woodhouse April 1, 2020 / 9:05 am

    I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend’s husband. My thoughts are with you, and with your friend during this time.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 9:48 am

      Thank you, Alyson. It is the immediacy and the suddenness that is so shocking. This time last week all was well.

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  3. Liz April 1, 2020 / 9:46 am

    Oh Ann, I am so sorry to read this news. I cannot begin to imagine the agony and distress for your friend, or for you. As you say, it really brings home very starkly the true nature of what we are all dealing with. It is brave and important for you to have written this post, thank you.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 9:50 am

      Thank you Liz. I just felt I had to reflect the change that this has made in my own understanding of what we are facing. It is too easy to think that we are invulnerable and that something like this will only happen to other people. It won’t.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Elle April 1, 2020 / 11:56 am

    Ann, that is so awful. I’m so sorry to hear it. Please take care of yourself and your mental as well as your physical health. Thinking of you and your friend very much indeed, and sending virtual hugs.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 12:21 pm

      Thank you, Elle. I hope you are doing the same. I know you have a condition that would make you more vulnerable. Being away from your family can’t help, either.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elle April 1, 2020 / 8:56 pm

        It is definitely a little scary for both of those reasons. I’m finding that going for my daily state-mandated walk is by far the most frightening and anxious time of my day, as people have gotten a little better at social distancing but still aren’t quite where they should be. Still, I have a housemate, and I’m talking to my parents often, and other friends. Thinking of you very much.

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  5. heavenali April 1, 2020 / 12:00 pm

    So very sorry to hear this. A few people I know having people in their family who have either died or are currently unwell and it really brings it home in a very frightening way. I hope you’re able to get everything you need, stay safe.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 12:23 pm

      Thank you, Ali. I hope you are taking great care of yourself. It is really frightening when you know you are in a high risk group.

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  6. Cathy746books April 1, 2020 / 12:08 pm

    So sorry to hear this. My best friend’s father died yesterday and I hate that we can’t go and give her a hug or pay our respects at his funeral. It’s so hard x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 12:21 pm

      Yes, it is what it brings home about the true consequences of social isolation that is so hard to take, isn’t it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 12:52 pm

      Thank you Annabel. This really does seem like a time to keep our friends close to us and really understand their value and all that they mean to us.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Claire 'Word by Word' April 1, 2020 / 12:52 pm

    So sorry to hear of this unexpected loss and your inability to comfort your friend in the way you might otherwise have done. It seems strange to think that having the time and people around to pay respects is something we should be grateful for when we have the opportunity to do so, now that we see this basic human right taken from us in such exceptional circumstances.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 12:54 pm

      Yes, Claire, one of the things that this emergency is bringing home to us all is just how many little things we take for granted, and how many of them turn out to be not little things at all but the big, important things.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. smithereens April 1, 2020 / 1:11 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear that. It is so hard, and stressful, and unbearably sad. I hope you can talk with your friend on the phone. Please stay safe!

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 1:18 pm

      Thank you, in times like this we all have to take care of each other.

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  9. A Life in Books April 1, 2020 / 1:20 pm

    I’m so sorry, Ann. You must be feeling desperate to help your poor friend. x

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 3:05 pm

      You don’t realise how important gestures of support are until they are no longer there and you are no longer able to provide them, Susan. And the awful thing is that most of us are going to find ourselves in this position before life gets back to normal.

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  10. Calmgrove April 1, 2020 / 2:55 pm

    It does really bring it home. More words are superfluous: all I can add is to advise you to stay safe, which you will know all to well.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 3:07 pm

      It is the insidious nature of this virus I think which is part of its danger. Just as we think we’ve got used to the methods necessary to stay safe it seems to find a gap in our defences. Life is going to be difficult for all of us for the next few months.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Kat April 1, 2020 / 3:10 pm

    I am VERY sorry for your loss. Tragic and senseless. Under other circumstances, we could all gather and read the names of the dead. But with this, we cannot.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 3:13 pm

      Yes, we don’t realise how important that ability to gather together and share our grief is until the opportunity is taken away from us, do we?

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      • Kat April 1, 2020 / 10:24 pm

        Alas, so many terrible adjustments…

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  12. Julia's books April 1, 2020 / 9:00 pm

    So sorry to hear this very sad news. Condolences. Yes, we must be vigilant. I have friends and neighbours for whom this virus could also be deadly.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 9:13 pm

      Thank you. It all seems so distant when it is no closer than a news report. Something like this makes you realise that you’re not as immortal as you would like to think you are

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  13. Helen April 1, 2020 / 9:11 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear this. It really does bring home that the statistics we hear about on the news are all real people with friends and family. Take care.

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    • Café Society April 1, 2020 / 9:14 pm

      Thank you, Helen. You’re right. And it also makes you realise just what social isolation truly means. I’m not sure we will any of us be the same if we come out of the end of this.

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  14. Sandra April 2, 2020 / 9:13 am

    I am so very sorry to read this. A desperate situation for you and your friend. Thank you for posting and reminding us of the immediacy of the situation. All we can do is our utmost to stay safe and protect others – and send support from afar. Take good care.

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    • Café Society April 2, 2020 / 9:16 am

      Thank you, Sandra. I did wonder about posting it in the first instance but the death brought about such a profound change in my attitude towards the situation that I felt I simply had to say something. Do take care of yourself.

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  15. FictionFan April 2, 2020 / 9:11 pm

    So sorry to hear that the virus has hit so close to you. Not being able to visit people and give them support and comfort at such times is perhaps the hardest part of all – the virtual world is good for day to day contact but it’s no substitute for a held hand or a hug or the offer of a cup of tea. My thoughts are with you and your friend tonight.

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    • Café Society April 3, 2020 / 8:01 am

      Many thanks, FF. I think the most difficult part at the moment is that my friend simply is in limbo. She can’t even register the death because the doctors are too busy to sign the death certificate.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Laila@BigReadingLife April 4, 2020 / 1:14 am

    I am late to read this but so very sorry for your friend and for you. How awful. Such sadness in the world right now. I send you love and prayers for your friend. ❤️

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  17. Davida Chazan April 6, 2020 / 5:57 am

    Sorry for your loss. A friend of mine just died, and although they’re not saying it was the virus (people in Georgia are still in denial about this), I’m very suspicious that it was. She was such a lovely person, I will miss her very much.

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    • Café Society April 6, 2020 / 7:37 am

      Eventually this is going to hit us all, isn’t it Davida. Part of the sorrow is that there has been no chance to say goodbye and you must feel that very much being so far away. My thoughts are with you and with your friend’s family.

      Liked by 1 person

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